This chapter here is a special one. Most of my Blog articles I write in German, but here I will write a lot in English. I was thinking about how many people we get to meet in life. Some of them bring joy, adventure, laughter and love, other ones bring pain, tears and heartache. Ones will always stand behind us and support us, and other ones don't. Some of them will always help us, no matter what will come, and other ones will let us fall when we need them the most. Some of them will always push us with our dreams and goals, and other ones are trying to hold us back. Some will always be happy for us, other ones secretly jealous. Some of them will turn out out to be true friends, and other ones will show their real face after some time.
With other ones we will only have a great time and beautiful memories and never see them again, while other ones will stay for a lifetime. Some of them we only get to know for a moment - and might never forget them. But if you ask me, life is about stories. Each and every person brings his or her own little story, and together we create new magical and meaningful stories. These are the stories what life is about. These are the stories that life is writing for us and this is what makes life so beautiful and special. It is not our job or money - it is our relations. Some of them beautiful as they can be, other ones painful.
In this chapter I will write now and then an article/dedication about every person that I met so far in my life and meant something to me. Whenever I feel doing it. I will be totally honest about it, but of course I will try to focus on the good. The persons will stay anonymous of course, but: I will always mention their first letter. I am sure the person who it is about will recognize it. I will write it all in English, because first of all I feel like doing it (for this chapter it feels more real somehow) and second of all it will include a lot of international people.
In this chapter I will open my heart completely. In addition I will list a song to every person that reminds me of him oder her.
Today it is Christmas, the 24th of december 2020. Today I had the idea about doing this and I think this is a nice thing to start on Christmas. Merry Christmas!
Song: Stars by Skillet.
She was blond. She was beautiful with blue eyes. It was here eyes that were so special I thought, when I met her the first time. They were beautiful, so scandinavian, full of honesty, a big heart, but also a touch of sadness, something heavy. Clearly she was carrying something heavy around. She was wearing a dark blue summer dress with leggings the day that I met her. Her blonde hair was shining in the sun, and she was so friendly. She was my first scandinavian friend that I had, while I was studying abroad. She took my hand and helped me, when I didnt know anybody. She helped my to learn swedish, helped me to understand the swedish way of being, and she cooked the best köttbullar I ever had in my entire life haha. The last night I spent on campus she cooked köttbullar again for me and I think i never ate so many of them haha. I always remember to warm and cozy feeling when I entered her apartment, followed by this lovely smell in the air. There was always this "cozy coffee kanelbullar" smell so to say :D, because she always cooked and baked great things and I just loved the smell.
I remember drinking in her cozy apartment on campus with her swedish friends, learning all those swedish party songs. I remember partying together, going to Copenhagen and to Tivoli and seeing the beautiful christmas lights. I remember being on the pubs and sitting on the lake, a few days after her bodyfriend broke up and she told me some stories. The sun was shining strong, it was the end of august. A beautiful swedish summer day. I felt so comfortable being there. A dream of mine to live in Sweden for a while became true. And it was exactly how I thought it would be: Amazing. And I was so happy I found a swedish friend so fast, because it was not that easy to connect so fast with Swedes.
I remember the morning I left Sweden, when she came to my car to say goodbye and she cried. It was a cold, grey january morning. I was a little bit surprised but I thought it was sweet. I didnt know that somebody could be so sad about me leaving, and it showed me, that she really liked me. We stayed in touch for a while, after I had left back to Germany. She also visited me here. Even though I enjoyed the time, I noticed, that something for me had changed and I was bothered by a few things. It was not that I didnt like her anymore, but I felt like she wanted a lot of space. The space I couldn't give her at this time. Anyways, I dont wanna get more into details at this point, because today it is Christmas. To make it short: I told her, or well, I texted her after some time, and told her what I thought, because I don't want to fake friendships. I don't have time and energy for that. But her reaction hit me like a surprise: So mature, and so grown up. She did not seem to be angry, accepted it and said, that she was thankful for my honesty. I couldn't think of anybody else who would have acted like this. I thought we would never hear from each other again. But life had other plans.
Sometimes, people leave your life, and some years later, they come back. I had this now already a few times when I least expected it. Our connection and how we found back to each other was through my best friend. They ended up living in the same city and they knew each other because they met the years earlier through me. My best friend asked me, if it was okay for me if they met. Of course it was, why would I mind? Just because we were not in touch anymore, it didn't mean, that they could not be friends. My best friend started to tell me about her. She is good with reading people. And she spoke so positive about her. I got to know, that both of her parents had died during this time. So terrible. I didn't know what to do. Should I text her? But wouldn't that be stupid after not talking for 3 years? I didn't know. It made me insecure. My best friend and her started to meet up now and then. Through her, at one point, she and me started to get in touch again on social media. And I was so surprised (again haha), in a positive way. She was so kind to me, even though I ended the friendship. She even gave me compliments for my Podcast she was listening to. I realized, that she wasn't angry at me. And this really showed me her high level of emotional intelligence, a big heart and and a great personality. Because other people wouldn't ever speak to me again. She was able to let go of what was and even supported me, which came from her heart, I could tell, she wasn't acting. THAT IS STRONG, I thought. Wow. After all " I had done", she stands behind me. Only a very few people on earth are able to do this. I even would have understood if she didn't wanna see me again.
But this woman is good with surprises haha. I visited her this fall. And I was so flashed. I think she did such a mental and personal development in 3 years that I would probably do in 8. Insane. Who she became! I wanted to listen to her forever. She worked hard on herself in the last years , I could tell. We all did, I am pretty sure, but through her circumstances, she probably had to do it more intensively and harder. Tears came up when she told me her story. It went straight to my heart. I couldn't believe what she went through. And suddenly I felt so bad that I had left her. It was before all of this happened, but still. And even though we haven't seen each other for 3 years, it didn't feel strange for me. It felt normal, at least for me.
This was a proof to me how things can change. How people can change, and how friendships can change. At one point in life, friendships maybe don't match anymore. But thats okay, thats life. But a few years later it might match again, you never know. Everything has its time.
I was speechless for what had happened, but I was impressed of the woman she became. With all the darkness that had surrounded her, she herself turned out to be a shining diamond. With all her beauty inside and outside. Such a unique woman. A role model for thousands of women, I wouldn't doubt that a second. So wise, so mature. Someone who understood how life works. Who can teach so many people. A real diamond with the power and beauty of the northern lights.
Glad jul till dig. I am happy you stepped twice in my life. You will go very far.
Abba: Dancing Queen.
remember the day I was sitting with you at the kitchen table in your apartment in Helsinki and you read your old diary out loud to me. The diary that you wrote when you were 17 years old. You were sitting there with your black T shirt and your golden necklaces, that you always wore. You were always so elegant. Even though you were already 80 years old, you started every day with your Make up Routine, put (usually pink) Lipstick on, did your lashes, and colored your nails. You were a real lady. When you left the house you usually put on a hat, all the jewellery you owned haha, and for some reason I always see you with a dark blue suit in my head, combined with white shoes. You had an everyday outfit that others would wear on weddings haha. I loved it! People always asked you to which hairdresser you go, because your hair never turned out grey. Your hair just stayed blond. Even though you were already very old! A natural beauty. But thats what I thought was so lovely: Even though you became older and older you still made yourself beautiful for every upcoming day. It was worth it for you. You never let yourself go, like many other old people did, and you made every day special. Even though you just went to the store downstairs in the house or were sitting in the backyard for hours talking to your neighbors, you made en effort to look nice. Everyday was special to you.
You and me used to go to the theater a lot when I was younger. We went to Cafés in town. And I will always remember the summer days, when my family and me arrived from Germany. We came to your and grandpas house and all the other relatives came to meet up with us. We always had a huge welcome party so to say, when we came around once in a year for 6 weeks during summer. All my cousins and aunts came. You made cakes and food for 15 people and I remember running into your arms when I jumped out of the car. And I remember your smell until today. You had this special lovely and warm hearted smell. It was always sunny and warm the day we arrived. Once I went with you to a store and I saw this angel, that I wanted to have urgently. I was 7 years old. You bought it to me and said, I look like her: an angel, with my light blond curls.
After grandpa had died when I was 7, you spent the evenings alone on your balcony. Every single evening. Observing the planes that flew by. Watching the stars and thinking of grandpa. I remember how many times you told me how much you miss him. You were so honest about it. I never heard this sentence from anyone else, that someone would miss someone. It felt strange when you said it the first time and started to cry, but with the time it became normal you said it. And you said it with so much love. You said at least hundreds of times. And when I was sitting with you on the balcony, you said to me: " Look! can you see this? He is waving to us". In Finnish of course. I remember that you sometimes kept staring at me. And I was so annoyed and always said "Don't stare at me! Why do you stare at me?? Stop it!". And you always answered with such a calmness: " But I have to, because you are so pretty and I can not see you most of the year." Thats actually a thing you told me often: That I am pretty. But you were also so strict about outlooking. It was exhausting too. You commented on everyone, and if they had 5 kilos too much, you would said it in their face. Sometimes I was so ashamed of your directness. And I told you to stop this, because you hurt people. The older you became, the more you did it. But at one point you got sick. And you started to hurt people more and more. You started to lose your memory and started to insult people a lot. Not me, but others. At one point you didn't know my name anymore, but when I visited you in the hospital your eyes were shining and you welcomed me with the words "Darling! My beautiful. You are here." You smiled at me and from your reaction I knew that you knew me. Deep inside you knew me, but you just didn't have more detailed information about me anymore. But almost until your last days you were happy to see me. One part of your heart always remembered I was not a stranger to you. And then you became more tired and tired. I remember standing next to your bed on this august day, a few years after your birthday. I was there with my mum and my boyfriend (at that time). I told him he doesn't have to come, I understood if he didn't want to see you leaving life. But he came. My mum was playing music to you from her phone. Your eyebrows were moving and you recognized your favorite songs. A little smile now and then. And then we played Abba. And you started to smile more. You knew Abba, your heart remembered it all. Just your head didn't. I think human hearts will always be able to remember. Doesn't matter how sick you are and if your memory is gone. Emotions will not be forgotten. My mum was touching your hand and was crying silently. I took my mums hand and we cried together. And you smiled in your bed, because you heard Abba. You couldn't have given me a more beautiful Goodbye. I am sure in your dreams you were dancing away from earth. Or maybe you were dancing Ballet in your head because you were a dancer when you were young. "Dancing Queen" was one of the last songs you heard, until you said Goodbye to us and flew away to the pink sky to meet your love: Grandpa.
You were my first big love. I don't even feel like writing about you a lot. The memories with you became less and less, until they were almost completely gone. I remember bringing you to the airport in Helsinki in January 2017. There was a strong snow storm outside when we left my grandmas apartment. The taxi waited outside. During the drive to the airport I just thought about how to break up with you. I never found the moment. Should I do it at the airport? Before you flew home? I couldn't.
So I broke up with you 3 days later when you called me, and I just couldn't lie anymore. I know, not my smartest move. But I just couldn't lie anymore. I couldn't pretend anymore to like you, because I didn't. So I was standing in the snow storm outside on the phone with you, because my mum was inside and I didn't want her to listen. I remember looking down at my shoes and the snow was almost up to me knees. Minus 18 degrees. I was staring at the supermarket in the darkness while I was talking to you. You started crying like crazy and I felt so bad. You said you would do anything for me. It did hurt me a lot to break up with you, but I had to. The following 3 days I spent crying. Did I do the right thing if I felt that bad? But then after a few days suddenly the pain was gone and I felt good. I felt free. It was not easy to let you go, because of course I used to love you. The weird thing was, that the anger just stared to come a year later. I started to be angry at you long time after we broke up. That was strange, that the anger showed up so late. But at one point it was gone. But you were not good for me, not at all. To be honest, you tried your best to ruin my life because of your own insecurity. You had low selfconfidence. You were jealous of me. You wanted so much that I had. In the beginning you were sweet, otherwise I wouldn't have fallen in love with you. You were caring, mature and intelligent. You had manners (in the first year). My family liked you (in the beginning).
What I liked about you, was, that you were real and honest. I was able to trust you. You would have never cheated on me or anything. And you were always direct and open with conversations (which not every man is able to do). Our conversations were actually always pretty good and open. But that didn't help because things didn't change…
But soon you started to treat me like shit. You used many occasions to make me look bad in front of other people. I tried to talk to you for hundreds of time, I was always honest about my thoughts, but I couldn't change you, of course not.
I was very sad that one thing was so important to you: the place where I came from. You couldn't deal with it that my family had more money, which was never even an existing topic for me. But you made it as a topic. You started being jealous. And you started to use us. And that was the point when I said no. I was so broken about the fact, that money and family background really seemed to be a topic for people, so many times. Because in my opinion, it NEVER should. But for you it was so important. It made your insecurity bigger and bigger. If money was so important for me, I wouldn't have picked you as a boyfriend, right?
You always talked bad about people with money. This part was not very mature.
During my exchange semester in Sweden i started to notice that my feelings for you left. I started being interested in other guys, and that was a clear sign. I gave us a last chance during christmas and New Years. To see if you had changed, if things had changed. But they didn't. I was so annoyed every single day every single hour and I knew that this had to end. You made me feel bad every single day. You used my weakest points to attack me verbal. Your intention was to hurt me. It became worse. But luckily I understood that it was not because of me. It was because of you. Because you didn't like yourself.
I really hope that you changed until today and that you feel good about yourself today. That you are not insecure anymore. I remember our relationship as painful, at least the last year. I always had this heaving feeling in my breast. I hope you became a grown up man.
Songs: "Kids" von One Republic und "Love myself" von Hailee Steinfield.
( First I wrote a story about her in English. But with this person it felt wrong. I wasn't satisfied with what I wrote, for some reason I couldn't express my feelings for her in English the way I wanted to, which was weird. So I make an exception here. But I know that she prefers German anyways haha).
Ich weiß noch, wie ich in diesem Klassenzimmer saß und sie rein gekommen ist. Sie hatte einen lila Pullover an, lange honigblonde Haare und hatte sich in die erste Reihe zu einem Typen namens Richard gesetzt. Während der gesamten Mathestunde hatte ich mich gefragt, warum sie neben so einem komischen Typen wie Richard sitzt, bis ich erkannt habe, dass die beiden sich vertraut waren und sich wohl offensichtlich bereits kannten. Sie war neu auf meiner Schule und ich fand sie auf Anhieb unglaublich sympathisch. Ich weiß noch, wie hübsch ich sie fand. Und sie trug auch noch einen so schönen Namen. Und ich weiß auch noch, dass sie genauso desinteressiert, unmotiviert und ratlos durch die Gegend geschaut hat wie ich. Schließlich hatten wir Mathe, und wer braucht schon Mathe Leistungskurs? Das war aber Pflicht in Baden-Württemberg. Nicht gerade ein Ort, an dem sie und ich uns wohl gefühlt haben, der Mathe Leistungskurs. Der Beginn dieser Freundschaft entstand durch zwei Gehirne, die für Mathe nichts übrig hatten.
Ich kann mich nicht mehr daran erinnern, wie wir zum ersten Mal miteinander redeten. Aber schon bald verstanden wir, dass diese Zeit weitaus sinnvoller genutzt werden konnte, und somit führten wir ein Ritual ein, das hieß Mathe schwänzen und ab in die Stadt zum frühstücken. Aus der 3. und 4. Stunde Mathe am Mittwoch wurde der Breakfast Club in Stuttgart City. Ich fand unsere Entscheidung bis zum heutigen Tag sogar ziemlich intelligent, denn unser Lehrer war wirklich schlecht, und wir wussten, dass es nichts als Zeitverschwendung war. In ihrem roten Mini fuhren wir öfter in die Innenstadt und sie erzählte mir eine Menge aus ihrem Leben, denn ich kannte sie noch nicht wirklich gut. Auf einmal verstand ich, dass in ihrem Kopf absolut kein Platz für Mathe war, genauso wenig wie in meinem. Wir hatten wirklich andere Sorgen, um die wir uns kümmern mussten.
Ab hier begann die Reise einer besonderen Freundschaft, die bis heute zu einer der wichtigsten Personen in meinem Leben wurde.
In der Schule mochten wir uns zwar und schwänzten gerne mal zusammen, aber wir waren nicht die engsten Freunde. Das begann eigentlich erst nach der Schule. Sie folgte mir überall hin wo ich hinzog: Köln, Südafrika, Greifwald, Schweden, Hamburg und Bremen. Sie ist die einzige Freundin, die mich überall besucht hat, rund um den Globus. Distanz hatte für uns nie eine Bedeutung, ob es 500 oder 5.000 Kilometer waren, war völlig irrelevant. Egal wie fern wir voneinander waren, waren wir doch sehr eng verbunden. Und selbst wenn ich nach Neuseeland gezogen wäre, hätte sie wahrscheinlich einen Weg gefunden, eines Morgens "Überraschung" zu rufen und mit Frühstück strahlend an mein Bett zu kommen haha. Sie hätte auch eine Reise zum Mond auf sich genommen, um mich zu besuchen.
Diese Freundschaft ist ein Lied von Erlebnissen. Wir schliefen in einem Zelt auf dem Autodach in der Wüste Namibias. Wir erzählten uns dort abends unter den Sternen Geschichten bis wir vor Lachen weinten und keine Luft mehr bekamen. Ich hatte Panik vor Spinnen und Schlangen, weshalb ich das Zelt immer 5 Mal checkte, ob wirklich jedes Loch zu war. Wir waren in der afrikanischen Wüste Kamel reiten und Quad fahren, fuhren durch den Etoscha National Park und sahen eine Löwenfamilie beim Sonnenaufgang. Wir besuchten die Himbas und Hereros und schwiegen daraufhin im Auto, weil es so eine andere Welt war. Wir bastelten mit Kindern im Waisenhaus, lagen uns auf dem Tafelberg in den Armen und machten Picknick am Strand von Clifton. Wir liefen betrunken durch Kapstadt und wir liefen auch ängstlich durch Kapstadt haha. Wir fuhren die endlosen Straßen Namibias entlang der Sonne entgegen, während die Wüste an uns vorbei flog. Wir feierten auf einem Festival in einer Schlucht unter der Sonne Südafrikas, wir tranken Wein, führten lange Gespräche, tanzten, lachten, weinten und teilten Sorgen und Ängste.
Wir fuhren durch Schweden und Dänemark, machten Fotos und tranken Champagner. Sie tanzte auf der Bühne im Abba Museum, an der Westküste in Fjällbacka waren wir auf den Spuren von Camilla Läckberg und posierten für Fotos am Hafen. Weiter ging es nach Lund und Malmö und anschließend mit dem Fahrrad durch Kopenhagen. Im Winter. Auf einmal hatte ich sie verloren und ihr Handy Akku war leer. Doch glitzerne Ugg Boots fallen auf haha, schnell fand ich sie wieder. Wir feierten und lebten, wir waren jung und uns war alles egal. Alles war so unbeschwert.
In Italien aßen wir zusammen Pasta und Pizza und fuhren 2 Wochen ohne eine einzige Buchung durch das Land. Wir hatten absolut nichts geplant, alles war spontan. Shoppen in Mailand, Weinproben in Bardolino, Romantik in Verona, Party in Florenz und Gondelfahrt in Venedig. Wir schrieben unsere Namen an die Wand von Romeo und Julia und hinterließen unsere Spuren. Wir tanzten jede Nacht in einer neuen Stadt und lernten unglaublich viele Menschen kennen. Wir schliefen kaum und lebten den italienischen Sommer in vollen Zügen. Über die Westküste bis hoch nach Monaco, wo uns auf der Straße die Tische der Restaurants hinterher getragen wurden haha. Egal wo wir waren, wir waren da. Wir waren präsent und wir fielen auf. Auf dem Rückweg ein Stop in Zürich, dessen Partynacht zu einem finanziellen Disaster wurde hahahaha (es tut immer noch weh dran zu denken).
Es ging weiter, ab nach Helsinki und ins Cabaret nach Paris. Wir tranken Sekt unter dem Eiffelturm und machten Fotos auf dem Arc de Triomphe, tranken Aperol Spritz für viel zu viel Geld und aßen Pain au Chocolat.
Wir waren nicht immer einer Meinung und gerieten auch manchmal aneinander. Manchmal benahm ich mich wie ein Idiot und manchmal distanzierten wir uns ein wenig von einander. Manchmal verstanden wir uns gegenseitig einfach nicht und waren anderer Meinung. Aber ich verstand, dass Freundschaft nicht bedeutet, sich 30 Jahre am Stück jeden Tag blendend zu verstehen. Denn auch tiefe Freundschaften haben gute und schwierige Phasen, genau wie Beziehungen. Auch Freundschaften wachsen und entwickeln sich. Man kann auch nicht immer einer Meinung sein, denn wir alle sind verschieden. Auch in Freundschaften passieren Fehler, auch in Freundschaften kann man sich mal daneben benehmen, denn wir sind alle nur Menschen. Ich denke, dass das völlig normal ist. Was mich an dieser Freundschaft aber so fasziniert, ist, dass ich das Gefühl habe, dass selbst eine Kettensäge das Band nicht durchbrechen könnte. Dass egal was kam und kommen wird, die Verbindung so stark ist, dass wir immer wieder zu einander zurück gefunden haben und finden werden, egal wer oder was uns im Weg stand. Egal welche Hindernisse noch im Laufe des Lebens auf uns zukommen werden.
Es gibt so wahnsinnig viel, das ich an ihr liebe. Ich liebe sie für ihr lautes Lachen, für ihren herzlichen Blick und ihr warmes Herz. Ich liebe sie dafür, dass sie immer stets aus tiefstem Herzen handelt. Ich liebe sie für ihre Empathie gegenüber anderer Menschen und ihrer Feinfühligkeit, an der es mir selbst manchmal mangelt. In so vielen Dingen ergänzt sie mich, wenn mir manche Eigenschaften fehlen. Ich liebe sie für ihre Ehrlichkeit. Sie sagt mir immer ihre Meinung ins Gesicht und würde mir niemals etwas vormachen. Ich liebe sie für ihre großen blauen Kulleraugen mit den langen Wimpern, die einen manchmal erwartungsvoll anstrahlen. Sie war und ist diejenige, die ihre Hand auf meine Schulter legt, wenn ich mich schwach fühle, wenn ich meine zu zerbrechen. Wenn ich Angst hatte, dass keiner für mich da ist, stand sie immer hinter mir und fing mich auf. Wenn andere Menschen wollten, dass ich scheitere oder neidisch waren, war sie es, die mich gepusht hat und sich stets für mich gefreut hat, sogar in Phasen, in denen es ihr selbst schlecht ging. Ich erkannte schnell, dass das eine Eigenschaft ist, die wahrhaftig wenige Menschen besitzen. Egal wie es ihr selbst ging, Freude und Energie für mich war immer übrig. Natürlich beruht das auf Gegenseitigkeit, und selbst wenn ich am Boden bin, wünsche ich ihr nur das Beste. Manchmal habe ich das Gefühl, als wäre unser Herz eins. Wenn der eine leidet, leidet der andere mit, und wenn wenn es dem einen gut geht, geht es dem anderen auch gut.Sie hält mir den Spiegel vor das Gesicht, wenn ich mich selbst suche und nicht finde. Die mich zurück auf den Boden der Tatsachen holt, falls ich mal abhebe. Die mich wieder auf den richtigen Weg bringt, falls ich den falschen einschlage. Die mich in vielen Situationen gruseligerweise oft besser kennt als ich selbst. Die mein Leben besser rekonstruieren kann als ich, die das Gehirn eines FBI Agenten hat und mir Zeit und Datum nennen kann, wenn ich mich nicht mal mehr an das Ereignis selbst erinnere haha. Sie fährt 500km für eine Nacht, wenn es mir nicht gut geht. Ihr Herz ist so temperamentvoll und warm wie die Sonne Spaniens. Wenn Menschen ihre Hilfe brauchen, ist sie da. In Situationen wo mir manchmal Feingefühl fehlt, kommt sie ins Spiel. Sie handelt stets immer aus der Tiefe ihres Herzens.
Mein Leben wäre ohne sie nicht vollständig. Ob Abenteuer quer über den Globus, Herzschmerz den wir teilten, Tränen die wir weinten oder Nächte die wir tanzten: Mein Leben wäre ohne sie nicht ansatzweise so schön gewesen, wir es bisher war. So viele Erinnerungen, wie ich sie mit keinem anderen Menschen habe.
Wenn ich eines Tages sterben werde, wird sie eine der letzten Menschen sein, an die ich glücklich und voller Wärme zurück denke.
Diese besondere Beziehung zeigte mir, was Freundschaft wirklich bedeutet. Es bedeutet, immer ehrlich zu sein, es bedeutet zusammen zu wachsen, zusammen älter zu werden und sich zusammen zu entwickeln. Es bedeutet nicht, immer einer Meinung zu sein, sondern auch von einander zu lernen und sich gegenseitig zu ergänzen. Es bedeutet, sich immer auf den anderen verlassen zu können. Es bedeutet, auch nach schwierigen Phasen wieder zueinander zu finden und alle Hindernisse zusammen zu überwinden. Es bedeutet grenzenlose Unterstützung von beiden Seiten.
Ich glaube, eine Freundschaft wie diese hat nicht jeder im Leben. Ich bin unendlich dankbar dafür, dass dieses Mädchen eines Tages in mein Klassenzimmer kam und wir ab da viele Sorgen, Abenteuer und tolle Erlebnisse teilten. Es ist absolut nicht selbstverständlich finde ich, eine solche Freundschaft erleben zu dürfen.
Ich weiß nicht, wie sehr man eine Freundin lieben kann. Aber ich liebe sie unendlich.
Song: "Lucky" by Britney Spears
You were a big part of my life during the first 16 years. You were all the time at our house or I was at yours. We did dance choreographies and gave concerts to our families. We put tons of make up on and dressed with our mums clothes. All the time we did some kind of show and presented ourselves, whenever we got the chance. We even went to see the No Angels haha. If one could ever wish for the best childhood friend, you were even better. Our childhood friendship was very special I think, and with my 28 years now I smile when I think back of the times when we danced in my garden during summer or did our hair. When we did sleepovers and laughed the whole night, when we went swimming at my pool or went to the sauna.You were a sunny child, you always laughed and we both wanted to wear dresses every single day like real princesses haha. We were best friends.But then we became older we both started to have different kinds of problems. You struggled with your mums boyfriends, because she had someone new all the time. Clearly you suffered and I remember the days when you were angry in a bad mood and I was wondering why. But when we went upstairs your room you used to say: She has again someone new! You started to be very unreliable and just didn't show up when you said you would come. I started to be pissed of, because I didnt know what was wrong and why you wouldn't even call to cancel, and it started to happen all the time. Of course I was to young to understand why.
Our last vacation was our skiing trip to Austria with your mum when we were 15. We had the cutest snowboard teacher and tried snowboarding for 2 days, which was super fun but you were definitely the more talented one haha.
A little later I started to have problems with both my parents. And the same time, all of a sudden you left - to a school in France. I went to a 8 weeks High school exchange in the USA and from that point we broke our contact. I was sad and angry because you became so unreliable and just weird.Anyways, we went different ways and a few years later, when you were also back from France, you told me at school during the break that you got abused by someone. I guess that was the reason you left so fast, and I was too afraid to ask more because I was young and insecure what to say. I dont know the whole story until today, but in that case I understood why you changed and why you left at the age of 15. But that was it. We didn't talk anymore after that. I don't know by who you got abused, or I think I do, but I am not sure if I remember your words right.
Now, about 12 years later you found me on Facebook! And last summer we called for 4 hours or something on the phone and gave each other an update about the last 10 years haha. What a grown up, mature, intelligent and self confident woman you became, it was amazing. I was surprised, in a positive way. And I was super happy that you contacted me on Facebook again!
I am happy to meet you again someday.
Although we are not friends anymore, I will always remember that little blonde laughing friend of mine who made my childhood days brighter and happier. I am sure not everyone had a friend like that, I do not take it for granted and this is for sure my sweetest childhood memory. Us two against the world!
Jason Derulo: GoodbyeShy Martin: Lose you tooRuth B: Superficial love
My best friends always say, we didn't fit anyway. Today I know that we didn't, not even close. If I tell this to anyone they maybe wouldn't believe me because I never showed, but secretly it took me more than 2 years to get over you. You were different to me, special, and I never had fallen in love like this. After we broke up, I never allowed myself to bad sad and feel the pain. All I did was to distract myself from what had happened, and I was so afraid to feel the pain, that I didn't allow myself to even feel it for a minute. Once I did, and I felt like I couldn't breath anymore. So I immediately started to date other people again, to forget my pain and to not think of you - the worst thing one can do, how I noticed a long time later.
I didn't show any kind of emotion on the day we broke up, while you started crying. I just looked at you without showing any reaction, and for some reason I felt numb, I didn't feel anything. You told me I was cold. But the truth was, I was prepared. I had a feeling, an intuition, and I saw this coming to an end. Even though you told me for many weeks that everything was alright, I felt that it wasn't. And I am happy I eventually forced you to talk, because you never would have done it from your side. I didn't want to show you how much I suffered. I wanted you to get the impression that I don't care. In this moment I just told myself that I am made of stone, because you seeing my heart burning was something I couldn't arrange myself with. You had such a high ego, and I knew that the only way to make you suffer hard is staying cold. I didn't want you to show how much you meant for me. And it worked. I guess you couldn't believe it, and for the first time you started crying.
The sorrow came the days after. The anger came only moths later, when I found out that you had lied to me many times in my face, even though I had asked you over and over again what was going on. I started to hate you, and this is not exaggerated. I think I have never loved and eventually hated anyone that much in my life, as I started to hate you. Hate is a big word. But that was all I had left for you. I was not only angry, I hated you from the bottom of my heart. I wished you all the worst you could wish for a human being. You cheated on everyone, many times, on every single girlfriend you had. And then I was disgusted by you and ashamed, that I had spent my time with someone like you.
It took me more than 2 years to get over you. I thought I was over you already since a long time, that's what I really thought. Until the moment, when I realized, that I was not angry anymore. This moment came only more than 2 years later and then I noticed, that NOW I am over you. Because I don't care anymore. But the time before I obviously wasnt over you, because I still felt anger. If I met you now again, I wouldn't care anymore. And now I really know that we did never fit. Because it was more the illusion of us that I liked, and what other people would think of us. But honestly our interests and characters were far apart. It was so superficial.
Anyway I am thankful for the time we had and the beautiful summer we spent. I am happy that I got to experience how it is to fall deep in love, because before I didn't and after that I didn't either anymore. But that's how I am: it is hard for me to fall in love. But thanks to you I know that I am able to, and I am convinced that the next person will come.
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